fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
