I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
