you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
