I wish I only lived at night.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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