My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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