too bad you live with your parents still
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
What a dumb baby whore.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
