I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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