Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
