Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
