So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
