can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
