Me. At least after what I've been through.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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