I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Holy shit dude........stairs
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
