He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
