i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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