Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
