she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize