he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
