"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
