I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
