if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
