so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
