im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We need a shit load of segways right now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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