Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
