The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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