True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
