he wants to bone in the snuggie
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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