i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
