If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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