is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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