How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ugly people sure do ruin things
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Randomize