I puked a lego.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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