took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
