you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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