I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i think my cat just said my name.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
