so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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