Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
