I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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