don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
