I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
