Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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