I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
