When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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