i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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