I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
