put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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