Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
