im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
