how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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