bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
