I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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