I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
