Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
