Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
