I'm so fucking centered right now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
