Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
