I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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