So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
