The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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