I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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