Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
