On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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