guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
