You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
