just tell him i said nine months
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
