do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
