It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
