she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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