U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
