Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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