On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
