Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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