i think my tv is drunk
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
