I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
