Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
