She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
