The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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