The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
