I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
